Chernobyl Diaries (2012)


Sheesh, what can I say…it could have been waaay better.

The story gets a +1. The look gets a +1. The overall casting gets a 0. The commitment to genre gets  a +2 as it was truly suspenseful, and the title gets 0 because I’m sure somebody was like, “yeah, how about the Chernobyl Diaries. That sounds important, official, that sounds like quality.” But there was sweet fuck all that was diary-esque. Everything takes place in a day with a handful of people and there may or may not even be a record of this happening – don’t call me no spoiler. Subtotal: 4

Additionally, I’m giving Uri’s (Dimitri Diatchenko) track jacket and cargo pants a +1 for stereotyping efficiently (Adidas must just adore Russians). I will then deduct -1 for Jesse McCartney’s acting, yikes! it’s getting stinky in here. I’m going to give it +1 point for the bear, because who could’ve seen that coming and I’ll award it with another gift of +1 for the bravery of the women, the character Amanda (Devin Kelley) in particular who is often braver than any of the men. In one instance, she is the first in for a water rescue.

So we end up with a 6. For a movie that was made for $1 million and earned $37 million, I’m sure they think the lost 4 points can suck it!

Leave a Reply