Here Comes the Boom (2012)

This is the heart-warming tale of a complacent teacher who becomes a microcosm hero because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut.

School teacher Scott Voss (Kevin James, the real-life Fred Flintstone) has become disillusioned by the education system finds his drive return in the face of cut-backs. To save the threatened Music class and teacher Marty Streb (Henry Winkler) he spitefully pledges to raise the money. Unfortunately, Scott discovers that raising the money is going to be challenging and not possible within the allotted time. While watching a UFC, he discovers that the loser in a fight wins $10,000 he begins fighting in the UFC (because it’s that easy to get in to fight – shit! I’d let someone punch me in the face for ten grand).

With the help of one of the students from a night class he teaches for people applying for citizenship, Dutch UFC Champion Bas Rutten, he begins training. In no time he’s fighting and winning some money for the music class. He finds that his love of teaching is returning, and the elusive hot school nurse Salma Hayek is finally considering going on a date with him. Of course, the class is saved and he gets the hot girl.

It may sound like a redundant tale of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and that’s because that’s exactly what it is. But it was still pretty fun.

The Story gets a +1 because Kevin James (who co-wrote the film with Allan Loeb) could have been a UFC fighter, or a figure skater, or a gymnast, or a surfer…I think you get the drift. The Look gets a +1. It had a dull look that is usually reserved for dramas and not the usual glossy brightness of comedies and there was definitely some make-up missing, blood in particular. For Overall Casting I throw it a bone and give it +2 because I really liked the cast and I think that’s where this movie may gain extra points. The Commitment to Genre with also score top points (+2) as it was just like it is supposed to be: Weak. Challenged. Fight. Win. Strong.

Subtotal: +6

I will award an extra point (+1) for the beautiful Salma Hayek and the rotten applesauce to share. Salma for her foxy Salma Hayek-ness and the rotten applesauce because it’s funny when people throw-up in someone’s face. It also earns one point (+1) for Bas Rutten and the Dutch people in general. They are weird and funny. Sadly, it’s +8 point gets severely lobotomized by the absence of blood in a movie about fighting. It’s like a 70’s TV cop show but this ain’t the 70’s, baby! For the lack of 2013 blood requirements I must punish Here Comes the Boom with a -3 and while this was a bit of fun, that is unforgivable.

Total: +5

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